Most articles for addressing bullying are from the outside~in focused on communication tips. My experience has shown me that strategies from the inside~out are more effective and holistic. These practises can be significantly more effective in achieving results and in preserving your mental health.
The inside~out approach can be compared with physically strengthening your “physical core muscles”, how often do we hear the fitness trainer tell us we need a stronger “inner core” to be physically healthy.
I want us to exercise our “psychological inner core muscles” before addressing the bullying behaviour whenever we can. This will increase our strength and resilience in working through these situations.
This is the first of four blogs for the Inside-Out approach to stopping bullying and creating healthier communities.
- Inner Self Check
- Inner Self Workout
- The Importance of Assessing the Type of Bully
- Smart Next Steps
Inside-Out Approach Step 1: Inner Self Check
Find a private area, take a nice slow breath, centre yourself and ask yourself a few questions:
What am I feeling with this situation?
Where am I feeling this in my body?
Do I remember a time when I felt in a similar state?
(Journal these or record on your smart phone if you can)
Take another nice slow breath, imagining and feeling the air flowing like a breeze through your head, heart and inner core (heart and belly). 
Ask yourself, what do I need to take care of myself in this situation? If you don’t know, often it is giving yourself a reassuring hug, reassuring touch on the part of your body feeling the pain or discomfort, more breathing through the mouth and/or nose. If you can’t easily breathe through your nose and/or mouth than imagine and feel the air being breathed in from the earth into your feet ever expanding like roots of a tree. Feel it moving up your legs to your core, to your heart and feeling very grounded and strong.
If you are still feeling agitated, visualize, hear or smell something that brings in a positive flow and/or repeat a mantra (this can anything you use, some examples would be “I am ok, this too will pass”, “I love you Sue (substitute your name), it going to be ok”, etc.
Sounds simple and maybe a little silly but you will find it defies logic and works if you are able to fully work through the process.
The optimum state will be when you feel this fresh pure air breathing through into your core, heart and mind, washing away and clearing out the negativity. Ending this step with sending gentleness, self- love and/or self-compassion to yourself.
This will enable you to more easily work with your inner core self from a state of deep calmness.
Congratulations, you have been introduced to Step 1 of the Inside-Out, Inner Self Check.
In the 2nd Step of the four-part blog post, we will be discussing about Inner Self Workout, how to effectively manage our internal emotions to achieve a successful result.
Stay tuned for future blogs for the Inside-Out approach to stopping bulling and creating healthier communities.
- Inner Self Workout
- The Importance of Assessing the Type of Bully
- Smart Next Steps
If you need more coaching assistance to increase your “psychological inner core muscles” contact me at sue@suevandittelli.com. Sometimes we need additional coaching to kick start an effective inner practice.
More information on my coaching programs is available on www.suevandittelli.com.
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About the Author – Sue Vandittelli
Sue Vandittelli, President of AWR Inc.(Alternative Workplace Resolutions), Professional Coach, Chartered Mediator, Certified Ombudsman, Senior Consultant with Morneau Shepell, Mediation Coach for ADR Chambers, Stitt Feld Handy and Former Bell Canada Ombudsperson and Human Rights Consultant. She has over 30 years’ expertise working with organizations, communities and individuals to develop transformative and sustainable solutions to professional relationships, challenges, conflicts, specializing in the area of discrimination and harassment; disability management; psychological & mental health; rebuilding & transforming professional relationships; OHSA Act Bills 168 & 132 and; business to business disputes in the franchise community. Sue is the Franchise Ombudsman for Canada and the United States working with franchisors and franchisees. Sue’s personal client group is committed to increasing their level on consciousness and successfully integrating their business and life.
Sue has successfully worked with over 600 clients and is recognized as the go-to-person for diffusing volatile and seemingly impossible workplace and business conflicts. She is a leader in developing and sustaining more conscious professional relationships and communities.
Sue is an active member of the: The International Ombudsman Association (IOA); ADR Institute of Canada (ADRIC), ADR Institute of Ontario (ADRIO) and is on the Leadership Circle of the Centre for Spirituality to guide the evolution of the new Centre; Board Member for Toronto Catholic Family Services Association and a former Volunteer for Women Helping Women with the Toronto Catholic Family Services mentoring women recovering from domestic abuse.
Sue has a degree from York University, a diploma in Business Administration from Ryerson Polytechnical Institute. She has a Certificate for Mediating in a Workplace when a Party has a Psychiatric Disability from the City University of New York and Certificates of Mediation (3 levels) from University Of Windsor’s Law Program. Sue is known for her unique and successful way of bridging the needs of the organization, employees, business, community, life and spirit.
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