In this 2nd Part of the Blog, Inner Self Workout, we will be exploring how to work with the feelings and our unconscious reactions, activating our inner core muscles and making smart choices.
Most articles for addressing bullying are from the outside~in focused on communication tips. My experience has shown me that strategies from the inside~out are more effective and holistic. These practises can be significantly more effective in achieving results and in preserving your mental health.
The inside~out approach can be compared with physically strengthening your “physical core muscles”, how often do we hear the fitness trainer tell us we need a stronger “inner core” to be physically healthy.
I want us to exercise our “psychological inner core muscles” before addressing the bullying behaviour whenever we can. This will increase our strength and resilience in working through these situations.
The first part to the Inside-Out Approach was Inner Self Checkout, which will enable you to more easily work with your inner core self from a state of deep calmness (read Part 1).
In this 2nd Part of the Blog, Inner Self Workout, we will be exploring how to work with the feelings and our unconscious reactions, activating our inner core muscles and making smart choices.
Inside-Out Approach Step 2: Inner Self Workout
Notice if any part of you has been significantly triggered by this other person. Check to see what thoughts your mind is churning out, what emotions are being activated, notice the location where tension is in your body. Journal these if you can. If this is too much you may need to connect with a counsellor. If the emotions are manageable than keep proceeding and check in afterwards whether additional counselling is needed. Always a good resource.
Ask yourself “when did I feel this way before and before that?”….
Be a gentle non-judgmental observer of yourself and take note if there is a pattern occurring, a person, a limiting belief from your past ….
When you have connected with this memory acknowledge it without judgment, it’s ok.
Observe the current date and time and say to yourself,
“I am in a different time and place, I am safe. I can take care of this situation.”
Bring yourself back into the present moment.
If you haven’t been triggered other than being angry with the behaviour of the other person, stay focussed in cleaning out your mind and heart. You will not be effective if you unconsciously react regardless of how inappropriate this other person’s behaviour has been. I often say to my clients “you can’t be angry and smart at the same time”, you are entitled to be both but consciously choose which one is needed in this moment in time.
This is about you taking healthy action from your “strong psychological inner core muscles”, your inner psychological core. Let’s be emotionally smart around the next steps. Self care and inner nurturing is essential when taking action with the other party, otherwise, you are at risk of being manipulated and side tracked by the person who is bullying you.
Congratulations, you have been introduced to Step 2 of the Inside-Out, Inner Self Workout you are ready to voice your concerns and to take effective action.
In the 3rd Step of the four-part blog post, we will be discussing about the Importance of Assessing the Type of the Bully to achieve a successful result.
Stay tuned for future blogs for the Inside-Out approach to stopping bullying and creating healthier communities.
- The Importance of Assessing the Type of Bully
- Smart Next Steps
If you need more coaching assistance to increase your “psychological inner core muscles” contact me at sue@suevandittelli.com. Sometimes we need additional coaching to kick start an effective inner practice.
More information on my coaching programs is available on www.suevandittelli.com.
All Rights Reserved © 2020 Sue Vandittelli | www.SueVandittelli.com. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Sue Vandittelli and www.SueVandittelli.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
About the Author – Sue Vandittelli
Sue Vandittelli, President of AWR Inc.(Alternative Workplace Resolutions), Professional Coach, Chartered Mediator, Certified Ombudsman, Senior Consultant with Morneau Shepell, Mediation Coach for ADR Chambers, Stitt Feld Handy and Former Bell Canada Ombudsperson and Human Rights Consultant. She has over 30 years’ expertise working with organizations, communities and individuals to develop transformative and sustainable solutions to professional relationships, challenges, conflicts, specializing in the area of discrimination and harassment; disability management; psychological & mental health; rebuilding & transforming professional relationships; OHSA Act Bills 168 & 132 and; business to business disputes in the franchise community. Sue is the Franchise Ombudsman for Canada and the United States working with franchisors and franchisees. Sue’s personal client group is committed to increasing their level on consciousness and successfully integrating their business and life.
Sue has successfully worked with over 600 clients and is recognized as the go-to-person for diffusing volatile and seemingly impossible workplace and business conflicts. She is a leader in developing and sustaining more conscious professional relationships and communities.
Sue is an active member of the: The International Ombudsman Association (IOA); ADR Institute of Canada (ADRIC), ADR Institute of Ontario (ADRIO) and is on the Leadership Circle of the Centre for Spirituality to guide the evolution of the new Centre; Board Member for Toronto Catholic Family Services Association and a former Volunteer for Women Helping Women with the Toronto Catholic Family Services mentoring women recovering from domestic abuse.
Sue has a degree from York University, a diploma in Business Administration from Ryerson Polytechnical Institute. She has a Certificate for Mediating in a Workplace when a Party has a Psychiatric Disability from the City University of New York and Certificates of Mediation (3 levels) from University Of Windsor’s Law Program. Sue is known for her unique and successful way of bridging the needs of the organization, employees, business, community, life and spirit.
Leave a Reply